the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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