We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
