pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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