I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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