It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you win again, gameday.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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