so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Two words: nipple clamps
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