Whod you bang
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
