Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
