i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
