My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
