I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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