I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
