does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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