I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
