Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
