I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
