First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
