when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
