This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
How external is "for external use only"?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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