Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
