and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
