so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
