i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
