I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
