No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
