there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
