WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
