Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
