just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
