It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
