Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ugly people sure do ruin things
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
