he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
