The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
