i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
