one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
