Already got asked if we're dating
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
