haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
