I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
