HIV tests are more positive than that guy
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
