just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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