Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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