it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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