I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When did angry sex become our thing?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
