I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
