What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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