he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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