It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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