just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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