standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
