Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
